I love the Gospel and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I look forward to General Conference. I love to listen to the words of Apostles, Prophets, and other servants of God. My testimony was not always as strong as it is today. 

I have had many experiences that some would say should have driven me out of the church. I won't share those experiences here. I have also had times in my life that nearly drove me to taking my own life. My life today is nothing like my life was all those years ago. I had completely forgotten what it was like to be depressed on that level until recently.

 I've been working on a project I've called The Journal Transcription Project where I'm taking all my journals and typing them up. Right now I'm going through my journals from June 1994 and on, and it is painful for me to type some of the things I wrote back then. Two Sundays ago I had worked through September 1994, and I came across a suicide note I had written. It was meant to be a hypothetical suicide note. There are so many thoughts that I was processing as I remembered back to those days. I remembered those thoughts as they plagued me for at least 2 decades of my life. 

 But, there were times when the voice of the Spirit came to my heart and mind that kept me going. It would say, "just hold on a little longer." I've had countless miracles in my life. Some of those have been in the form of friends and people who were the best of examples at a time when I was living a very rebellious life. I appreciate them. Many of them don't know how much they made a difference in my life. One of them influenced me to go on a mission. That mission changed me forever. It gave me a pattern of scripture study that has been the means of keeping me firm in my faith. 

My study of the Book of Mormon has not ceased since. I love that book. I feel the Spirit every time I read from that book. Though I've had hard times since then, I never have felt that God was not there. Even though I don't understand everything in life, and I've had to work through unspeakable pain, I have and will always have a testimony of God's restored church. I will always know that Jesus Christ is really our Redeemer. I will never stop trying to be better today than I was yesterday. And I will always know that God loves us.